Top Ten Blogging Tips (For Non-Bloggers)

Ten tips for writing a blog, for people who don’t have a lot of time to read blogs, by a person who doesn’t have a lot of time to write blogs.

10. Do a top ten list. People love these. It is an established, hard and true fact that if something is numbered it doesn’t even have to be remotely interesting or relevant, people will read it regardless.

9. Make up facts. Unless there is statistical/measurable data involved, all lists are merely opinion… That is, unless you tell people they are not.

8. Site your sources. This helps to support your point while making you look like both a gentleman and a scholar, even though you likely are neither. Don’t worry about hunting any of these down though; they can all be dead links, since not a single person will follow up with any of your sources. After all, there’s a reason they’re reading your blog and not an article from the Wall Street Journal.

7. Start numbering in reverse numerical order. This way people will think as they get closer to #1 each item will become more significant/informative. Truth is, all items are equally insignificant.

6. Include a video…but only if your goal is to get people to close out of your blog just as quickly as they clicked on it. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

5. Hide your worst topic at #5. This is the point in your list where people have already invested too much time into your blog to turn back now. Yet it’s not far enough towards the bottom of the list for people to complain about how many other points were more deserving of being at that position.

4. Bolding part of your point, but not all of it is an extremely successful tactic used to fool those who are skimming an already skimmed down blog into reading your whole post, even if this means creating long run-on sentence that break most of your generally accepted grammar rules and lack anything resembling a coherent sentence.

3. Make sure your list has ten items. “Top Ten” has a much better ring to it than “Top 9” or “Top 11.” If you get to the point where you find yourself struggling to come up with another item for your list…

2. Split one item in half to get two points out of it. And if that still doesn’t get you to the point where you have ten items, you should reconsider making a top ten list. Either that, orrrrrr…

1. Crazy cat pictures. Whether funny or cute it doesn’t matter, for some reason people eat these up. And if that doesn’t work add some cat puns. No kitten’ they work like crazy, I’m not lion.